Someone threw a piece of bread at me but...

When I downloaded this picture from Canva, it gave me this quote by Maya Angelou, “Success is about liking yourself, liking what you do and liking how you did it.”

The end of 2020 is nigh, however foreboding that may be. We, a worldly ‘we’, live in a pandemic. A great equalizer, I suppose. While it’s become the obsession of 2020, life has been going on and on. But, will we be the champions?

About the title: That’s all the detail I’d like to get into about that title. Just a bit of extra mystery, it was 3 separate pieces of bread.

But, the events of this interaction has led to some rich reflection if reflection can be rich in the hour that passed since then.

My brain is very busy, for better or worse. Has lots of ideas but little knowledge how to execute them. Lots of introspection, but how useful is it? How confident can I even be in my own thoughts and feelings?

The world can be so contradictory. Take, for example, these statements:

1. Collaborate but your life and your choices are yours’.
2. Be kind but don’t let anyone railroad you.
3. Be who you are but act differently in certain situations.

Life is full of buts. Everywhere. Collaborate but my life choices are mine? Sure, but I have to think about how my choices affect this collaboration. They aren’t really mine, then, are they? I’m being kind by thinking of those within this collaboration but I might have to let go of things important to me for the betterment of whatever task/project/life situation I find myself in. Then, to top it all off, I might have to smile and nod for the sake of said collaboration and life situation but the ultimate way forward might cut into something I think is right and then compromise a piece of myself. Do I have to do all that? No, but for the greater good, I might. Is this adulting?

But, lord golly gee, what the fuck is the greater good? It changes all the time. Goals or not. Promises or not. There is a freedom in uncertainty, and that can be terrifying. Also, certainty can be terrifying. Like death, for instance.

If any of you (perhaps, I should say, ‘if any of you are reading this), I don’t have answers. I want answers. There are 16 ‘buts’ in this post. I have had therapists tell me not to use that word, but, how else can I hypothesize and make decisions about my life otherwise? Oops, 17.